| FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR |
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FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR & JOKES
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FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR & JOKES: a 65-year plus collection. Welcome to the fattest collection of FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR SAYINGS and JOKES in the world. WARNING: Do not try to devour my entire FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR Website in one sitting. The Surgeon General has determined that it can cause FUNSTROKE. PLEASE BE ADVISED: Only smart, good-looking people will enjoy this FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR website. YOU ARE HERE! So that means YOU ARE SMART!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! MORE GOOD NEWS: After laughing at my 11 webpages of FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR, you’ll be GOOD-LOOKING, too. 1. YOU CAN EAT OFF MY KITCHEN FLOOR 2. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME AS LONG AS YOU CALL ME TO DINNER. 3. Can you say CHEESE without a smile? 4. HE'S SO COUNTRY HE THINKS A SEVEN COURSE MEAL IS A POSSUM AND A SIX-PACK. 5. The potato salad was SPUDDERLY DELICIOUS. 6. IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP BUT YOU EAT BETTER. 7. Kitchen sign: I LOVE TO COOK. I LOVE TO CLEAN HOUSE. I LOVE MY NEW MEDICATION. 8. T-shirt: I HAVE A DEGREE IN LIBERAL ARTS. 9. T-shirt: WORLD'S GREATEST LOVER (of pizza). 10. TO A MAN WITH AN EMPTY STOMACH, FOOD IS HIS GOD. --GANDHI Hungry for more FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR? Please visit the rest of this website. FOOD JOKE: You know what’s hard to beat? Boiled eggs. BREAD HUMOR: The great thing about my obsession with toast is that I still get three square meals a day. BIRTHDAY CAKE JOKE: Q: What is the most stressful thing about being a dragon? A: Trying to blow out the candles on your birthday cake. FREE CAKE ADVICE: It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime. CHEATOS CHEETOS: Having nutrition information on a bag of Cheetos is like having dating tips on a box of Crocs. Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them! HOLY GUACAMOLE! AAN OVERWEIGHT MAN: People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.
FREE FOOD JOKE: [IF IT'S FREE, IT'S FOR ME!] Q: What's a vegetable's favorite casino game? A: Baccarrot! NACHO FUNNY! Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho Cheese! CAKE JOKE: Q: Why did the students eat their homework? A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. HALLOWEEN JOKE:
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Jack-O-Lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi. LETTUCE LAUGH TOGETHER: Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together! CHEF JOKE: Q: Why did the chef get arrested for assault? A: Because he got caught beating an egg! APPLES AND ORANGES JOKE:
A: Nothing stupid... apples don't talk! THIS JOKE IS A WIENER! Q: Did you see the movie about the hot dog? A: It was an Oscar Wiener. FREE FOOD JOKE: Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing! SEAFOOD JOKE: Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A: A crab apple. BURGER JOKE: Q: What did the burger name her daughter? A: Patty! LEMON JOKE: Q: What do you give to a sick lemon? A: Lemon aid! PIZZA JOKE: Q: What do you call a sleeping pizza? A: a piZZZZZZa. CHEESE PUN: Q: What cheese is made backwards? A: Edam. VEGETABLE JOKE: Q: How do you make a gold soup? A: You put 24 carrots in it. THE NUMBER ONE DIET HUMOR WEBSITE IN THE WORLD: Don't forget to visit my world-famous DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR Web site: www.danworona.50megs.com This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for twenty (20) consecutive years. Daniel l. Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET. IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT. THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION It is a lifelong collection of more than 65 years. COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
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FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR and FOOD JOKES: 1. THOSE WHO FORGET THE PASTA ARE CONDEMNED TO REHEAT IT. 2. WE JUST CELEBRATED OUR TIN ANNIVERSARY 3. NOWADAYS, THERE ARE FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS: CANNED, FROZEN, FAST-FOOD AND INSTANT. 4. HORS D'OEUVRE: A HAM SANDWICH CUT INTO TWENTY PIECES. 5. CASSEROLE RECIPE: COMBINE ALL THE LEFTOVERS IN THE FRIDGE. SPRINKLE POTATO CHIPS AND CHEESE ON TOP. BAKE. 6. THE MOST NOBLE OF ALL DOGS IS THE HOT DOG, BECAUSE IT FEEDS THE HAND THAT BITES IT. 7. THE HOT DOG HAS ALL FOUR FOOD GROUPS: MUSTARD, RELISH, BUN AND MEAT. 8. HUNGER IS THE BEST SAUCE IN THE WORLD. 9. FOOD JOKE: 10. PEANUT BUTTER: A BREAD SPREAD. WORD OF MOUTH: I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU. You can help me get some media attention and get published sooner by e-mailing the following E-MAIL FOOD AND DRINK DIET to all your friends. ONE-LINER FOOD HUMOR: The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called "The Fission Chips." On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate. A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing. Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you. Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter." I thought you were trying to get into shape? FATTIE SAYS: I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle. DANIEL WORONA'S FAMOUS FOOD AND DRINK E-MAIL DIET:
Daniel Worona's amazing, fast-acting, super-duper, polyunsaturated FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR E-MAIL DIET:
If you take time to enjoy the entire FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR DIET Web site, you will laugh off *10 pounds. Send this message to all your friends and you will lose *5 pounds. If you delete this message, you will instantly gain 10 pounds. Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com. (Please include the words FOOD HUMOR or DIRINK HUMOR or DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.)
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FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR
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FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR: CHEESE HUMOR: I'm not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant. CALORIES JOKE:
GUMMY BEARS JOKE:
BACON JOKE: BIG EATING JOKE: TACO HUMOR: MILK PUN: A DIRTY JOKE [JUST KIDDING!]: When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it. LIFE IS LIKE SLICED BREAD JOKE: WALKING JOKE: Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here. ST PATRICK’S DAY JOKE: VEGAN ONE-LINER: SOUP JOKE: I ordered 2000 lbs. of Chinese soup. It was Won Ton. NUT JOKE: For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts. SPAGHETTI HUMOR: My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. U should of saw her face as I drove pasta. FAST FOOD JOKE: Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car. FRENCH FOOD JOKE Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food. BIRTHDAY CAKE HUMOR: It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime. COW JOKE: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. SEAFOOD JOKE: I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it. SODA AND POP ROCKS JOKE: MIRTHQUAKE JOKE:
A: A milkshake. POTATO CHIPS JOKE: Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free. FOOD WORDPLAY: Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you will rise and shine! SALAD HUMOR: FAT HUSBAND: Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong. CHEETOS JOKE: Having nutrition information on a bag of Cheetos is like having dating tips on a box of Crocs. CANNIBALS JOKE: Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny. BAD COOK JOKE: My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer. CAKE MUSE: Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON JOKE: PICNIC HUMOR: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A basket case! VEGAN HUMOR: What did the vegan say? I made a big missed steak. PASTA PUN: Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta! WHAT’S BUGGIN’ YOU? Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them! THE WORST PUN: Q: Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage? A: He always fears the Wurst. A CORNY JOKE: I was going to share a vegetable joke but it's corny. M&M ONE-LINER: Why did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! HUNGER FUNNY ROOTY-TOOT-TOOT! So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter. BUTCHER JOKE: Q: Why do people become butchers? A: So they can meat people. VEGETABLE PUN: Today I have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee. Brocco Lee. NACHOS JOKE: If I tell you I'm thinking about you, don't get too excited, because I'm also thinking about nachos. ICE CREAM HUMOR: Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she's doing. COOKING JOKE: Heard about the pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.
This FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR collection has been collected over the past 65 years plus. Many of these food jokes and drink jokes have never been published. PLEASE E-MAIL ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED. THE WORLDS FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION: Please check out the rest of my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR Web site for more tasty morsels. COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these sayings or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. (Credits may be found on the various pages and Favorite Links Page.) FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR Web site by Daniel Worona. "Rara Avis." ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. (Please include the words FOOD HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail.) PUBLISHERS: Please e-mail me if you are interested in publishing any of my one-of-a-kind humor collections. Much of the material has never been published and/or is original material by yours truly. Please see my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE for a special link called FOR PUBLISHERS ONLY. NOTE: If you e-mail me and do not receive a reply within fifteen days, please e-mail me again. I delete a lot of spam and junk e-mails, and I may have accidently deleted your e-mail. 1. WHEN I'VE HAD IT WITH COOKING AND CAN'T FACE MOPPING, SOME DO THE WORK, BUT I GO SHOPPING. 2. THE BEST WAY TO SERVE LEFTOVERS IS TO SOMEONE ELSE. 3. MANKIND IS DIVIDED INTO TWO CLASSES: THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR FOOD AND THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR APPETITE. 4. Waiter: "How do you like your steak sir?" 5. Never serve meals on time. The starving eat everything. DID YOU KNOW THAT NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF MY FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR AND MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! I HAVE A "GOLDMINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THIS COLLECTION WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM. CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.A BIG THANKY, Daniel Worona Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com. Pizza image credit: departments.weber.edu Please visit the rest of my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR website. You will EAT IT UP! COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis" / "Rare Bird" (a.k.a. DaWor). Don't forget to visit my world-famous DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR Web site: www.danworona.50megs.com This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for twenty (20) consecutive years. Daniel l. Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET. IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT. THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION It is a lifelong collection of more than 65 years. COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). BOO HOO HOO! BOO HOO HOO! BOO HOO HOO! Singing the blues: LONE RANGER AND TONTO WERE RIDING DOWN THE LINE. FIXING EVERYBODY'S TROUBLES, EVERYBODY'S BUT MINE. IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT SEEING MY ENTIRE FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR COLLECTION PUBLISHED IN A HARDBACK BOOK: If you are smart enough to read up to this point, maybe you are smart enough to figure out that I am saving my primo food and drink humor for a hardback food and drink humor book. I have worked long and hard for years and years and years and years and decades and decades collecting FOOD HUMOR and FOOD JOKES and FUNNY FOOD VERSES. I am NOT complaining. I am merely stating a fact! I want recognition of my unique collection. I am saving THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MY FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR COLLECTION to be published in a hardback food and drink humor book. I have spent over a half-century collecting FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR, not to mention many original food jokes by moi, Daniel L. Worona I have no contacts in the publishing field. CAN YOU HELP ME? The least you can do to help me is spread the word about my FOOD HUMOR WEBSITE to your friends. IF YOU DON'T CARE... WELL, C'est la vie. [WHATEVER!] As you wish, jellyfish. What can I do do do? There is nothing I can do do do. CAPICHE??? Take care, polar bear. Gotta run, honey bun. Thank you for your time. Please enjoy the rest of the world's #1 FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR website. [If I am not number one, I am probably in the top two. Maybe, baby. Google it, and find out for yourself.] DANIEL L. WORONA MY E-MAIL ADDRESS: Do not include any attachments. That is a big NO-NO! Food and drink humor compiled by DAN WORONA. I APOLOGIZE IF THESE FOOD JOKES MADE YOU HUNGRY. DANIEL L. WORONA "RARA AVIS" (RARE BIRD)
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