COFFEE HUMOR

WELCOME CAFFIENDS!

FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR & JOKES: a 50-year plus collection of more than 100,000 sayings and jokes compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

COFFEE HUMOR SAYINGS and COFFEE JOKES (COFFEE QUOTES AND PUNS, COFFEE FUN RECIPES, LATTE, CUPPA JOE, CAFFEINE & EXPESSO LAUGHS):

1. MEN ARE LIKE COFFEE. THE BEST ONES ARE RICH, WARM AND KEEP YOU UP ALL NIGHT LONG.

2. COFFEE JOKE: AN OVERWEIGHT MAN WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW COFFEE MADE HIM NERVOUS. I SAID WHY DON'T YOU QUIT DRINKING COFFEE. HE SAID, "BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T HAVE THE SHAKES, I WOULDN'T GET ANY EXERCISE AT ALL."

3. HONEY, THE COFFEE ISN'T HELPING. GET THE JUMPER CABLES.

4. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CAFFEINE. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITHOUT IT!!!

5. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE AND MEN ARE SO MUCH BETTER RICH.

6. COFFEE JOKE: DID YOU HEAR THE STORY ABOUT THE COFFEE? NEVER MIND. IT'S STEAMY HOT STUFF.

7. SHE'S LIKE YESTERDAY'S COFFEE... --A LITTLE WEAK IN THE BEAN.

8. COFFEE JOKE: A MAN WENT TO HIS DOCTOR AND SAID, "EVERY TIME I DRINK COFFEE, I GET A STABBING PAIN IN MY RIGHT EYE." HIS DOCTOR SAID, "WELL, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TAKING THE SPOON OUT OF THE CUP FIRST?"

9. Coffee humor button: I DON'T DO DECAF.

10. Coffee humor buton: JAVALICIOUS.

11. The good old days: REMEMBER WHEN WE WOULD TALK OUT OUR PROBLEMS OVER COFFEE AND A CIGARETTE? NOW THEY ARE THE PROBLEMS.

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LEveL Of iNsANiTy aNd dRiVE OtHEr pEopLe iNsAnE: At the office put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

COFFE HUMOR AND COFFEE JOKES: A 50-YEAR PLUS COLLECTION.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN...

1. YOUR COFFEE CUP IS INSURED BY LLOYDS OF LONDON.

2. YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF NUTRITION COMES FROM "SWEET & LOW."

3. YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN.

4. YOU THINK BEING CALLED A "DRIP" IS A COMPLIMENT.

5. YOU WALK TEN MILES ON YOUR TREADMILL BEFORE YOU REALIZE IT'S NOT PLUGGED IN.

6. JUAN VALDEZ NAMED A DONKEY AFTER YOU.

7. YOU ANSWER THE DOOR BEFORE PEOPLE KNOCK.

8. YOU NAME YOUR CATS "CREAM" AND "SUGAR."

9. YOU CAN OUTLAST THE ENERGIZER BUNNY.

10. YOU GO TO AA MEETINGS JUST FOR THE FREE COFFEE.

Please visit my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE to see my other humor Web sites and if you speak Spanish you will love my MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR site (in Spanish). http://danworona.bappy.com

For the best DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKE site on the Web, see the information below.

Thank you for visiting my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR site. I commend your good taste. I hope you will tell your friends.

Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" E-mail: dworona@yahoo.com

YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

Publishers, agents, magazines and newspapers: please see my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE to find out more information. I hope to publish my 50-year plus collections of FOOD, DRINK, and COFFEE HUMOR and JOKES, so that everyone may enjoy it. Much of the material is original and has never been published.

PLEASE E-MAIL ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

1. GIVEN ENOUGH COFFEE, I COULD RULE THE WORLD.

2. COFFEE, n. break fluid.

3. IF IT AIN'T CAFFEINATED, IT AIN'T COFFEE.

4. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS LIKE SLEEP.

5. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS MOURNING.
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona.

6. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS A TIME FOR MOURNING. --Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

GROUNDS FOR PLEASURE

More than 100,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES: a 50-year plus collection. I hope you will take time to enjoy and laugh off a few calories by visiting my world-famous DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES Web site. (It is currently #1 of the TOP 10 on GOOGLE, AOL, YAHOO and most of the major HONEST search engines.)

Please click on this active ("HOT") link to go there now:
http://www.danworona.50megs.com

Here is a tasty sample from my DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES Web site: SOME PEOPLE ARE NO GOOD AT COUNTING CALORIES.... --AND HAVE THE FIGURES TO PROVE IT.

PUBLISHERS: Please click on my special link FOR PUBLISHERS ONLY on my Favorite Links Page.

DISCLAIMER: If any of these FOOD, DRINK, COFFEE, or DIET HUMOR SAYINGS & JOKES are in breach of copyright, I will willingly delete them and/or give proper credit.

IMAGE CREDITS: 1. COFFEE CUP: GLADSTONE.UOREGON.EDU
2. COFFEE SIGN: METAFILTER.COM
3. COFFEE CUPS AND POT: STENCILWITHSTYLE.COM

Coffee joke: I TOOK MY WIFE OUT FOR AN EIGHT-COURSE DINNER... A SEVEN-LAYER CAKE AND COFFEE.

COFFEE PRAYER (a.k.a. THE 23rd CUP)

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures;
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yeah, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Addiction,
I'll fear no Equal for thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy flavorings they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Juan Valdez.
Thou anointest my days with vigor; my mug runneth over.
Surely flavor and aroma shall follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever, and ever.
Amen!

YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN:
YOU CAN THREAD A SEWING MACHINE... WHILE IT IS RUNNING!!!

DID YOU KNOW THAT NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF MY FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR AND MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! HOWEVER, THESE COLLECTIONS WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL THEY ARE PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A LITERARY AGENT AND/OR PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.A BIG THANKY, Daniel Worona
COPYRIGHT 1949-2008 BY DANIEL L. WORONA
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.