IF YOU CAN READ THIS… THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!! 

This has been the #1 FOOD AND DRINK website in the world for a quarter-century.  

FOOD AND DRINK JOKES:

THIS JOKE TAKES THE CAKE:  

  
CHUBBY GIRL: I eat cake every day because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere out there and I like celebrating it. 

BIG EATER JOKE:  

FAT KID: I'm a pizza enthusiast. The more pizza I eat, the more enthusiastic I get.

A SMOOTH MOVE:  

If tomatoes are fruit...  

that means ketchup is a smoothie.

TAPA JOKE:  

Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas. 

SUSHI PUN:  

My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food. Sushi left me.

FOOD JOKE:   

My friend’s strawberry fruit business has gone into liquidation.  

He makes smoothies.

GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOOD JOKE:  

All this talk of dangerous, tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.

MEXICAN FOOD PUN:  

Q: What do you call a stunning lady that appreciates her Mexican food.  

A: A Taco Belle.

What kind of doctor is Dr pepper? 

A fizzician.

HUNGRY FOR SOME LAUGHS? 

GOOD NEWS FOR YOU! 

EVERY YEAR I ADD NEW FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR AND JOKES THROUGHOUT THIS WEBSITE. 

I have posted new FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR, randomly throughout my 11 FOOD AND DRINK webpages.

GROOVY MOVIE PUN: 

CANDY ANDY: People often ask me how I smuggle chocolate candy bars into the movies. 

Well, I have a few twix up my sleeve.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? 

A: An impasta.

Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? 

A: Elvis Parsley.

MY WIFE MIDGE THE FRIDGE: 

I bought my wife a new refrigerator for Christmas. 

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Q: What did Fifty Cent do when he became hungry? 

A: 58. [FIFTY ATE.]

ICE CREAM WORDPLAY: 

Q: Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream? 

A: Sundae school.

FRENCHIE SLOW FOOD JOKE: 

Q: Why do French people eat snails? 

A: They don't like fast food.

A FATTY BRATTY KID PUN: 

Q: What do you call an annoying overweight German child? 

A: A Big Fat Bratwurst.

Q: Why are bread jokes funny forever? 

A: The jokes never get stale. 

VEGAN JOKE: 

If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

A CREPPY JOKE: 

My mom always makes the pancakes too thin... 

I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe.

My wife has a beautiful face like a flower!  

A cauliflower!

What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic? 

A:  Iceberg.

The Problem with Speaking English

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

I have spent more than 65 years collecting FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR, DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, USA HUMOR (all categories), and MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR (in Spanish).

1. APPETIZERS ARE LITTLE THINGS YOU EAT UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR APPETITE.

2. EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY, FOR TOMORROW WE DIET.

3. A very clever T-shirt saying, protesting the barbaric practice of clubbing baby seals: CLUB SANDWICHES, NOT SEALS.

4. THE BEST THING FOR A PERSON ON A DIET TO EAT IS LESS.

5. FOOD RIDDLE: WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A THOUSAND YEARS WITH A THOUSAND CHOCOLATE CAKES?
A: THE START OF A NEW MILLENNI-YUM-YUM.

6. FOOD JOKE: NAME THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS.
A: FAST, FROZEN, JUNK  AND INSTANT.

7. THE TROUBLE WITH BUYING HEALTH FOOD IS THAT ITS HIGH PRICE REALLY MAKES YOU SICK.

8. BOOKS FOR COOKS: ITALIAN FOOD by ANN CHOVY, MINNIE STRONI, LIZ ANYA and LYNN GUINI

9. Book: NO MORE LEFTOVERS by M.T. POTTS

10. Foodie: HE'LL EAT ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T EAT HIM FIRST.

11. Crazy: HE'S TWO SANDWICHES SHORT OF A PICNIC.

SILLY FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR / HUMOUR & JOKES: a 65-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona.

1. MANKIND IS DIVIDED INTO TWO CLASSES: THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR FOOD, AND THOSE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR APPETITE.

2. THE BEST WAY TO SERVE LEFTOVERS IS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

3. A NICKEL WILL GET YOU ON THE SUBWAY, BUT GARLIC WILL GET YOU A SEAT.  --Old New York Proverb

4. THE BEST THING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT GRAVY IS THAT IS HAS NO BONES.

5. "I AM A VERY PICKY EATER. I ONLY LIKE ONE THING... FOOD!!!
Woriginal by Fatty Daniel Worona (He never met a food he didn't like.)

6. IT ISN'T THE TRAVEL THAT'S BROADENING... IT'S ALL THAT RICH FOREIGN FOOD.

7. THE ONLY FOOD THAT NEVER GOES UP IN PRICE IS FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

8. CONVENIENCE FOOD IS ANYTHING THAT'S AT THE FRONT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.

9. MEALTIME IS WHEN THE KIDS SIT DOWN TO CONTINUE EATING.

10. Kitchen sign: THE EARLY BIRD COOKS HIS OWN BREAKFAST.

FOOD JOKES:

Q: What's the difference between a professional poker player and a large pepperoni pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Why does a Mexican weather report make you hungry?
A: Because it's chili today and hot tamale!

CORNY CORN JOKES:

Q: What did the flying corn brothers say to the audience at the circus?

A: We Will A-Maize You.

GOODIE FOODIE JOKIES:

COOKIE JOKE:

Q: Why do they call them "s'mores"?

A: Because you always want you always want some more!

A QUORNY JOKE:

If I discovered a new animal I'd call it a Quorn to mess with vegetarians.

CURRY JOKE:

If you eat too much curry, you get into a Korma.

POTATO JOKE:

Q: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day?

A: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.

CHEESY  PUN:

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

NUTELLA JOKE:

Nutella: A reason to buy bread.

SNACK JOKE:

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?

A: Microchips!

GUACAMOLE JOKE:

BIG BERTHA WORDS OF WISDOM:

People are lot less judgemental when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.

TAPAS JOKE:

Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.

RED HOT MEXICAN FOOD:

Do people who go to the gym to "feel the burn" know nothing of Mexican food?

EGG JOKE:

Q: What does the dish scrambled eggs and brains have in common?

A: Ignorant people!

PIZZA JOKE:

"I would like my pizza to be 1/3 Hawaiian, 1/3 meat-lovers, and 1/3 vegeterian," ...said the zombie.

REDBULL JOKE:

I love coffee. It's Redbull for old people.

WEIGHT LOSS SLOGAN:

“Give Up The Fat, Watch Your Belly Go Flat”.

OMELET JOKE:

There are approximately 45 seconds between "I'll make us an omelet" and "We're having scrambled eggs.

SNACK JOKE:

CHUBBY WUBBY SAYS: Tomorrow is a big day for me at work. They are refilling the snack vending machine.

FOOD ONE-LINER:

Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth.

DIET COKE JOKE

Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

NACHO PUN:

Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?

A: Nacho cheese!

CHEESE PUN / JOKE:

Two cheese trucks ran into each other. De brie was everywhere.

FORTUNE COOKE JOKE:

Q: What kind of cookies make you rich?

A: Fortune cookies!

CAKE MUSE:

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

PUN FUN:

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

TUTTY FRUITY JOKE:

Q: What fruit do you eat when you are sad?

A: Blueberries.

BIG MAC JOKE:

OVERWEIGHT MAN SAYS: My annual performance review says I lack "passion and intensity", guess management hasn't seen me alone with a Big Mac.

HEAVY HUMOR:

CUPCAKE JOKE:

I can't wait for Valentine's Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me.

HEALTH NUT JOKE:

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my salad?"

ORANGE JOKE:

I asked my friend a question while he was eating an orange, but all I got was a pithy response.

PIE JOKE:

Q: What's the best thing to put into a pie?

A: Your teeth!

DORITO JOKE:

Q: What did the Dorito say to the other Dorito.

A: I can't tell you it was too cheesy.

CANDY BELLY LAUGH:

Q: What is an alien's favorite candy?

A: A Mars bar!

KIT KAT JOKE:

People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.

A NUTTY INSULT:

"Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy."

PIG PUN:

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? I'm bacon!

HAVE ANOTHER NACHO… JOKE:

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

FAT BOY JOKE:

My idea of flirting is giving a girl 1 of my 10 tacos.

HAWAIIAN PIZZA PUN:

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today. Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

CAULIFLOWER JOKE:

A cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremely slow motion.

A CHEESY JOKE:

BIG BERTHA JOKES: I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

THE HAPPY ROMAN JOKE:

Q: What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?

Nothing. he's gladiator.

FUNNY FOOD JOKES:

KID'S FOOD JOKES:

What's the worst thing about being an octopus?

Washing your hands before dinner.

Q: What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate too fast?

Stop goblin your food.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?

A: The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

What did the hungry computer eat?

Chips, one byte at a time.

What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?

A box of quackers.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

Footprints in the cheesecake.

LOUSY COOK JOKE:

LOUSY COOK: I trained my dog not to beg at the table.

FRIEND: How did you do that?

LOUSY COOK: I let him taste my cooking.

FAT KID FOOD JOKE:

ADULT: Why do you eat so fast?

FAT KID: I want to eat as much as possible before losing my appetite.

NOSEY ROSIE JOKE: What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells.

LIL: Would you like some Egyptian Pie?

JILL: What's Egyptian pie?

LIL: You know, the kind mummy used to make.

What do cats call mice on skateboards?

"Meals on Wheels."

FUNNY FOOD RIDDLE:

What does the richest person in the world make for dinner every night?

Reservations.

What did one knife say to the other?

Look sharp!

Did you hear the joke about oatmeal?

It's a lot of mush.

WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about this Web site and about my DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES Web site listed below.

Don't forget to check out my very popular DIET HUMOR SAYINGS  and DIET JOKES Web site: A 65-year plus collection by Daniel Worona.  Just click on this "HOT" (active) link: http://danworona.50megs.com

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR sayings or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. (Credits may be found on the FAVORITE LINKS PAGE.)

Are you hungry for more FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR? Please return again and again, because I will be adding FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR from time to time.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis" / "Rare Bird" (a.k.a. DaWor)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor / humour, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons,  and  diet word plays. NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.

This is the FATTEST and best diet humor / humour collection in the world!!!

TO MY ENGLISH FRIENDS:

Please e-mail me some BRITISH FOOD AND DRINK HUMOUR.

Please visist my DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE HUMOR website: (The number one DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES website in the world): www.danworona.50megs.com 

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for a quarter-century.

WORST CASE SCENARIO:

If for some reason my lifelong humongous collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Who loses?  Not me!  YOU DO!!!   BIG-TIME!!! 

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help. 

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:
Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.